GET SOME SLEEP!

My husband kissed me on the forhead tonight at 9:00pm and said, "I'm going to bed." He hesitated and then looked at me seriously, "You should get some sleep." "Okay," I said and gave him a sarcastic grin, "Like it's up to me."

So unfortunately here I am typing, too awake to sleep, which I guess is a good thing since I've had to be up until about 2am the past 4-5 nights. I need to be awake at this point or I'd never make it! My days and nights are way off...but that's the job description. I work the graveyard shift. I definitely don't think my efforts are truly appreciated. I mean, no one is up (besides me and Sven) to appreciate them! Which, I guess, is what it means to be a mother. It starts out as a thankless job...and I don't mean that to be negative. But the baby doesn't say, "Hey, thanks. I really appreciate you spending the last couple hours burping me so I feel better." And slowly as the baby grows, they are able to start giving back. In their smiles, in their ability to learn and grow. I have such a depth of love for my daughter I could not even attempt to describe it. And her early days were not easy for me.

So with that...I'm off to wake and feed my son...and then hopefully get some sleep.

Calling in Back-Up

2am. Its my threshold for calling in back-up. Usually I'm trying to put Sven to bed "for the night" between 9-10pm. Three of the last 4 nights Sven has been up crying from this period until almost 2am. Last night started with me waking him at 9:30p to eat. From that point on Sven cried uncomfortably and mostly inconsolably until 1:51am. I was spent. I had tried swaddling/un-swaddling. I tried him on my shoulder, in each arm, bouncing, swaying, shushing, singing, lights on and off, in the swing, you name it! Nothing worked. I could tell he was really tired, but also really uncomfortable. I tried giving him Mylicon to help get a burp up, but nothing came. My physical, mental and emotional faculties were spent. I felt terribly guilty, but I had to call in back-up.

"Scott," I whispered exhausted, "I need your help."

This asking for help is so hard for me to do! It means I've failed. And I feel so terrible because I know Scott has to get Anika up at the crack of dawn and work a full day the next day. I really hated doing it, but I could not go on like I had been. Which reminds me of the Babywise mom post. Having a newborn at home is hard. Really hard. Its wonderful and special, but its hard. It challenges me in ways I never thought possible. You really have to dig deep sometimes to summon a cheerleader when there are none to call on...after hours of crying at 1am...the cheerleader who says, "you can do it" "stay calm" "this will come to an end" "you will sleep again" "be creative" "persevere." I haven't been the most positive person lately...I'm working on that. There's a part of me who wants to be the hero and not share any difficult detail. But then, I think I'd be doing motherhood a disservice. Its hard! If I pretended like it wasn't, then I would be making it out to be easy. But if I share only the difficult details, I'm digging myself into a hole. I need to see the light. This too shall pass.

So, thanks honey for helping me out last night. Sven did finally sleep at 3am. And didn't wake until 9am. Either he was so exhausted he had to sleep that long or this is a positive sign of sleepier nights to come. I'll hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

http://www.babywisemom.com/2009/05/emotions.html

http://www.babywisemom.com/2008/07/baby-whisperer-new-baby-is-hard.html

Schedule - Week 4

So I forget now where my daughter was at this point in time in her life, so I thought I would take a couple of moments to reflect on how Sven’s schedule is shaping up. In general, although we’re having trouble with the sleeping, the eating regulates our schedule. In general, he feeds about every 3-3.5hrs from the start of one feed to the start of the next. I have rarely been able to get more than 8 feeds a day for either of my kids, but because I have the scale and I know how much food they’re getting, this doesn’t concern me. So in general my day looks like the following:

1:30am – Wake, Eat, Sleep
3:30am – Wake, Eat, Sleep
7:30am – Wake, Eat, Sleep? We consistently have problems with him sleeping in his crib for this nap. I usually end up putting him in the swing. I agree with the Babywise mom here. At this age, I think its more important to get him sleep than to be stubborn about where he sleeps. I always try to get him to sleep in his crib, but inevitably after 20 minutes of being in his crib he begins to cry. Usually I am very desperate for sleep at this point, so the swing it is! Important point here though is that I usually have him swing to calm him down for the first 15 minutes, but then I go in and turn it off. People (babies included) don’t sleep as well or deeply when in motion (see Dr. Weissbluth’s book for reference).
11:00am – Wake, Eat, Sleep? This nap is pretty spotty too. Sometimes he will sleep in his crib, but I have been finding this one has been in his swing a lot.
2:00pm – Wake, Eat, Sleep. Now that I think about it, the daytime naps are most challenging. We do have room darkening blinds and a humidifier that makes white noise, so I’m not sure what the difference is during the day.
5:00pm – Wake, Eat, Sleep?
9:30pm – Wake, Eat, Sleep. So its after this cycle that I will mentally “let” Sven sleep as long as he wants. He is basically 11lbs now and gaining weight well. My milk supply seems good, although I do generally pump once a day after a morning feed to keep the girls empty and producing milk at a fast rate. At this point Sven hasn’t slept much longer than 3.5 hours…and that was on a challenging day where he really took no nap.

I keep hoping that soon he will miraculously sleep for a 4-6 hour stretch, but when I look at my daughter’s baby book, that didn’t happen for her until 9 weeks. So…we’re about halfway there. Well, as long as he actually sleeps when he’s supposed to and I’m not up all night addressing his needs, then I will survive.

Smile Sidenote
I think Sven gave me his first, non gaseous, non reflex social smile today. Wow that was nice. I think I’ll need to see it again to be sure.

Reflux - or Bust!

E.A.S.Y. This is what Tracy Hogg, author of the Baby Whisperer, tells you should be your life with a newborn. Eat. Activity. Sleep. You time. This is how each cycle of time should go with your baby…about 8-12 times a day. I am struggling with the Sleep and You time part of this formula. I am convinced that Sven has silent reflux. My daughter had it, so I think that has helped me to self-diagnose his condition at such an early stage. I think everyone around me thinks I’m jumping to conclusions, but I firmly believe I am right. I am the only one who basically spends 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with my baby.

Before I was pregnant there were a number of ailments I had heard of, but never really knew or experienced what they were. One of these was heartburn. My heartburn was what I consider the mild kind, uncomfortable to say the least and the only position I could sleep in was on my left side. This was because gravity would keep my stomach juices away from the entrance of my stomach. It was a constant burning sensation…the kind you get when you throw up, except that its not over after a heave…it’s the constant burning kind. To say the least, its no fun. So I can only imagine what it might feel like to a tiny baby who is repeatedly heaving and swallowing the contents of his stomach. This is what I have noticed from Sven, which convinces me of his reflux:

- He can’t sleep. He’ll go 8-12 hour periods without sleeping because he is so uncomfortable. Initially I thought this was gas…I thought the same thing with my daughter, but must’ve been too sleep deprived to remember this fallacy…but really, it is sometimes the result of gas. He’s pushing so hard to get the gas/poop out that he pushes his stomach contents up the other way. We have already put his bed at an incline, but this doesn’t seem to help much. And of course, he’s on his back…wouldn’t want to chance SIDS…which for those of you who have had heartburn is a terrible position to be in, even at an incline. He gets so exhausted from not sleeping, but is so uncomfortable. This pain and sleep deprivation cannot be healthy! Especially for a newborn who needs up to 16 hours of sleep a day.
- He always gets the hiccups. I try to burp him, and usually I’m unsuccessful. Usually he gets the hiccups whether or not I burp him. And let me tell you, I have studied up on burping. You should see all the crazy ways I try to burp him. I’d call myself a burp expert except that I can’t get him to burp!
- Gagging/choking/constant swallowing. Sven oftentimes gags and chokes. Not necessarily provoked in my mind. This will oftentimes happen after a yawn. Or I’ll have been holding him in a comfy position for 10 or so minutes, and he’s definitely drifting off to sleep when suddenly he starts gagging…the kind you see your friends doing after too many drinks. Also, sometimes he’ll start gagging at the breast, so I’ll pull him away (scary) and sit him upright…and he’ll continue swallowing many (10+) more times. I don’t know what he’s swallowing. I’m guessing it’s the contents of his stomach. I think his body is trying not to let the stomach acid get into his lungs, and is trying to coordinate the opening/closing of the valve from the esophogas to the lungs (don’t know the name of it) and swallowing of the fluids. He doesn’t breathe much during this time, so its always scary to watch.
- Bad breath. My poor son’s breath smells like vomit…or like stomach acid, which is a nicer way to say it.
- Overeating. Sven has definitely been putting away some good milk since his birth. He was 8lbs 5oz when born and got down to 7lbs 10oz before he started gaining again. I have an infant scale at home (this is the topic of another post) and his latest weight is 10lbs 7oz. He is 3 weeks and 2 days old. This means he has gained almost 3 lbs in 3 weeks. Babies are supposed to gain about 0.5-1oz a day. He is gaining over triple that! I guess milk is a good neutralizer of stomach acid, so while some babies are so uncomfortable they lose weight, Sven is overcompensating and gaining big time.
- Pulling away at feedings. So obviously Sven has been drinking lots of milk, but I wouldn’t say this process is always comfortable for him. He oftentimes pulls away, like “I don’t want this ‘cause it hurts, but I want this ‘cause it makes me feel better.” Its really odd to watch him eat sometimes.
- Sinus congestion. So I’m not sure if newborns should still be having this much congestion, but it seems unusual to me. It almost sounds like he has a cold. But this is mild and not the primary symptom.

There are other things I’m beginning to notice as well. My daughter ended up with a flat spot initially on her head because she always turned her head the same way. So I’ve been watching this very closely with Sven. And when his head is pointed to the right (when he’s on his back) he sleeps better than if I point his head to the left. I don’t know if this has anything to do with the problem, but I think it might.

All in all, I probably spend 45 minutes to an hour with Sven after every feeding, listening to him wimper in pain, trying to find a position that’s comfortable for him. Once I’ve found one and he’s finally sleeping, I gently lay him in his inclined crib. About 50% of the time I have about 10 minutes to get a bite to eat, go to the bathroom, before he is wimpering in pain again and I have to pick him up. The other half the time I get a cycle or two before he’s up. What this all means is that the S and Y part of EASY do not come “easy” for Sven or I. So I’m having a tough time. I think my hormones have regulated a bit, but this constant sleep deprivation is hard…on the both of us I’d say!

So Sven’s doctor did prescribe some Reflux meds, which he has been on for a week now (Zantac) without any marked improvement. I told the doctor we tried this medicine on my daughter and that it didn’t help her, but she insisted that we try this one first. So we must wait a couple weeks to prove this didn’t help…someday our family will get some sleep eventually. And I can’t help but feel envious of my friends who have “easy” babies. I wonder what they do with their S and Y time?

Newborn Notes

Two and a half weeks ago, I had my second baby, a son, Sven.  My first-born daughter, Anika was only born 14 months earlier and I was surprised at how much I had already forgotten.  Anika was not an easy newborn and we ended up spending 3 days at Children's Hospital when she was only 6 days old...so needless to say it was the most stressful time in my life.  So maybe I just couldn't put anything in my long-term memory banks.  So with that in mind, I thought I would take a few notes...to help me remember my experience and answer questions my sister or other friends might have once they start having babies.

Must Have Newborn Items

-       Good swaddling blanket – We have a fleece Halo Sleepsack/swaddler.  Yes, its summertime, but I've found that this is the only one strong enough to keep his arms inside.  The others seem to let him move around too much and then he wakes himself up.  I admit I have not tried the Miracle Blanket, but a Swaddling friend of mine swears by it.

-       Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive Diapers – its hard to tell when newborn babies pee and at this point in their lives, counting the number of pee and poo diapers (besides weighing them) is the only way to ensure that they are getting enough nutrition (well if you’re breastfeeding like I am).  These diapers have a nifty little strip that changes color when they pee.

-       Infant Scale – I purchased one of these with my daughter when we had troubles with her gaining weight and feeding.  I struggled to get her to take a full feeding as she was really sleepy, so feedings were long and I was never sure how much she drank.  This was the only way for me to confidently know how much she drank and it also helped me to troubleshoot her crying.  If I knew she just had a full meal, then the cry wasn’t for food.  (Turns out she had silent reflux, which is a whole other post in itself)

-       Comfy rocking chair – We have a comfy (inexpensive) gliding rocking chair.  Seeing as I spend 8+ hours a day for many months in this chair, its important that I be comfortable.  I never thought I would need the ottoman that came with it, but let me tell you, it is so nice to put your feet up while nursing.  I gained a lot of water weight during pregnancy and I thought it would magically disapper with childbirth.  Not so!  I think I get rid of my water weight with a month long series of night sweats…but I digress.  The ottoman is nice because my feet swell due to gravity during the first month post-partum.

-       Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth.  This is our “Bible.”  A friend graciously purchased this book for us as a baby gift with our first and after reading it we really understood the need our daughter has for sleep.  We centered our whole parenting priorities around getting our daughter sleep and we reference this book often as she got older and her sleep patterns changed.

-       Dr. Jack Newman – He is a breastfeeding expert.  He has written a number of books which I did find helpful…but what was most helpful for me were his ‘how to’ videos on YouTube.  Breastfeeding was not natural or easy for me with Anika.  Getting a good latch, looking for swallowing not just sucking, not using a pacifier, the importance of breastfeeding soon after birth…these are important things to make sure breastfeeding is sucessful.  Before I had a baby I was not interested in watching other women’s boobs and how a baby drank from them.  After I started having issues, I was devoted to making it work and my squeamishness disappeared.

-       Baby Log Book – I created a 3-ring binder for each of my kids.  It houses emergency info for any babysitter.  It also houses the handouts we’ve received at each well-child visits.  Most importantly I log each time my kids wake up, go to sleep, eat, how much they eat…and yes, if you can’t tell by now I’m a little neurotic.  So I weigh my new son each time he wakes up before a feed and then after a feed.  I know about how much he eats and I get an update on his weight gain.  I really only pay attention to that on a daily basis, but it is so reassuring to me to have this information especially after my experience with my daughter’s weight issues.  I also record each pee and poo diaper.  This is also handy as I bring it to each of the doctor appointments and I’m totally prepared when the doctor has a question.

-       Video Monitor – This is a new addition to my arsenal.  Maybe not necessary, but definitely nice to have when the baby is making all of his grunting noises.  I can just quickly look at the monitor…see if his eyes are open or closed, and assess the situation.  This tool will become more handy as Sven gets older for investigating sleep issues once he sleeps through the night.

-       Humidifier – So its summertime in Minnesota and our air definitely does not need to be humidified (at least not until winter), but we use this as our noisemaker (we don’t put any water in it right now) to drown out my daughter’s loud cries so she doesn’t wake him up.  Initially I did not want to have one of these as a sleep prop for our kids, but find it absolutely necessary if I want to ensure myself some reliable sleep.

Well, I’m sure there are others.  These are the main ones right now.  They definitely make this newborn experience easier, but its definitely not easy.  I can’t wait for the 3 month mark.  To me, it marks good nighttime sleep.  And when I have rest, I’m a much more reasonable person.

I'm a Mom Now

Sorry to all those friends out there without kids who don't want to hear me talk about kids...My future posts are probably going to be a lot about my new challenges, as life has changed quite a bit for me in the past 4 months. I'm so thrilled with the change, but overwhelmed and exhausted by it too. I'm re-defining myself and trying to find a way to balance my life. I've spent a lot of time thinking the past 4 months. I think about the future I want for my daughter. I think about the lessons I want her to learn. I think about the kind of family I want to be. I think about the kind of example I want to be. I think about all the roles in my life and how I now have to be really good at planning and multi-tasking if I hope to be good at any of them. I'm a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a cousin, a friend...and while trying to maintain all of these things, I need to maintain my identity as Melissa. Someone who likes to read, bicycle, paint, photograph, videograph, play soccer - be active. I'm having a hard time figuring that out right now, although I'm getting there...I think. I'm with Heather and Kristin Armstrong on this one (see a link to her post below). I've got my blinker on. I'm in the turn lane. I'm heading in the direction I want, even if it seems like I'm not going anywhere.

http://milemarkers.runnersworld.com/2009/09/blinkers.html

Crocs

So, Scott, seeing my uncomfortably large feet each day I come home from work offered to buy me a more comfortable pair of shoes on Friday. What a guy. I've insisted that my shoes are still fine...I mean I spent a lot on them knowing that the arch support of the Nike Air sole in a cute black flat-ish shoe would feel great on my feet...but my feet are expanding more wide than I thought possible and I guess a new pair were in order.

I've decided that pregnancy is definitely not a glamorous thing...at least it hasn't been for me, so why stop now? We headed into Macy's Friday and I tried on my first pair of Crocs. After trying on a few other more comfortable (but not too homely looking) pair of shoes, I just couldn't get over how my feet felt in the Crocs. So beware co-workers! You will probably see me in these shoes...hopefully they're not too much of eye-sores...I only hope that my feet don't yet grow out of these!