Calling in Back-Up

2am. Its my threshold for calling in back-up. Usually I'm trying to put Sven to bed "for the night" between 9-10pm. Three of the last 4 nights Sven has been up crying from this period until almost 2am. Last night started with me waking him at 9:30p to eat. From that point on Sven cried uncomfortably and mostly inconsolably until 1:51am. I was spent. I had tried swaddling/un-swaddling. I tried him on my shoulder, in each arm, bouncing, swaying, shushing, singing, lights on and off, in the swing, you name it! Nothing worked. I could tell he was really tired, but also really uncomfortable. I tried giving him Mylicon to help get a burp up, but nothing came. My physical, mental and emotional faculties were spent. I felt terribly guilty, but I had to call in back-up.

"Scott," I whispered exhausted, "I need your help."

This asking for help is so hard for me to do! It means I've failed. And I feel so terrible because I know Scott has to get Anika up at the crack of dawn and work a full day the next day. I really hated doing it, but I could not go on like I had been. Which reminds me of the Babywise mom post. Having a newborn at home is hard. Really hard. Its wonderful and special, but its hard. It challenges me in ways I never thought possible. You really have to dig deep sometimes to summon a cheerleader when there are none to call on...after hours of crying at 1am...the cheerleader who says, "you can do it" "stay calm" "this will come to an end" "you will sleep again" "be creative" "persevere." I haven't been the most positive person lately...I'm working on that. There's a part of me who wants to be the hero and not share any difficult detail. But then, I think I'd be doing motherhood a disservice. Its hard! If I pretended like it wasn't, then I would be making it out to be easy. But if I share only the difficult details, I'm digging myself into a hole. I need to see the light. This too shall pass.

So, thanks honey for helping me out last night. Sven did finally sleep at 3am. And didn't wake until 9am. Either he was so exhausted he had to sleep that long or this is a positive sign of sleepier nights to come. I'll hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

http://www.babywisemom.com/2009/05/emotions.html

http://www.babywisemom.com/2008/07/baby-whisperer-new-baby-is-hard.html